The last two weeks have been what I should have been for years.
I've spend some incredible time with my family, my children, my wife. It's not been perfect, but it's been perfectly family.
My wife and I have started to really talk again. We had two days of some of the most serious, most deep discussions we have had in 5 years, and yet through it all, through the tears, through the pain, we actually resolved an issue. We had to stop our discussion, but through that forced break, we were able to think instead of falling back on our bad habits. We were able to talk, and walk back to each other without being resentful. It was a wonderful feeling. Now my wife wants to hold off on any more of those issues for a while so she has time to heal more, and I can wait, but KNOWING that we can do it, that I can see what to do to have more of those discussions makes me very happy.
As for our children, we have had fun. We've been swimming, playing in the park, decorating my apartment, coloring, all sorts of activities that we should have be doing for years, and can continue to do in the future. It's all GOOD!
Lastly, after 6 weeks with my therapist, we've finally had a break through. Which is funny, because it was a break through for her. I was under the impression that I was wasting her time. Two weeks ago, she appeared to be failing asleep on me. So I wrote a letter describing the way I feel and what I want from a therapist, and BAM! she delivered. The time in our session flew. It wasn't me feeling that she was dancing around issues, prodding in the wrong direction, or making short talk to waste the time. I was pleased, and thoroughly embarrassed because of what she pointed out to me.
She bluntly asked if my lack of participation was a lack of involvement or wanted involvement with my family and wife. I hate to agree with her, but she was right. I would have rather have played the game then possibly fight with her over any disagreement. But why, that is the BIG question. And that is the one I'm still working on.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Practicing a new way
This weekend was one of the best weekends that I have had in a LONG time.
Friday, I took my wife out for a 'date'. She does want me to call it a date, so I respect that, but it felt like a date for me. The nervousiness of walking up to the front door and ringing the door bell. I brought a single red rose and a bottle of sparkling red grape juice (I didn't think bringing a bottle of wine for the children would be a smart move).
We went out to Red Lobster, and while Kate wanted to go Dutch, we did share an appetizer. I spent most of the dinner listening, talking, and staring. I really had forgotten how beautiful she is. Her hair, which she re-dyed back to her deep red from the auburn she did about 2 months ago, her blue eyes, her round glowing cheeks, her freckles. On the way home, we went to Starbucks, ordered coffees and sat around for a while. She talked, I stared. When we got back to the house, I spent time with the children, tucked in Connor (with a story read to him), read with Tatyanna, and had a pleasant night. The only part that was worrisome was that Kate crashed out before I was finished with the children, and didn't even walk me out.
I spent most of the night worried that I made her upset because I called our meeting a 'Date', and she told our children that it wasn't a date. Once again, I lost sleep.
In the morning, I received a call asking me to help take care of the children and help her with her studies. I gladly jumped on the opportunity. I arrived at 1 pm, and took my son for a haircut. We had fun. We got back to the house at 2:30 and I proceeded to spend time with both my children. After playing a little, reading a little, I cooked supper with my wife.
Now, this is a big deal since I've often just kicked her out of the kitchen to cook myself. We made home-made pizzas. Connor had a simple pepperoni, Tatyanna had a mushroom and black olive, while we made a Chicken/spinach/Alfredo pizza. It was good. We both agreed that the crust should have been cooked a little longer, but that is ok. The fact that we worked together was incredible! The fact that I let Kate join me speaks volumes to my growth in just a short time.
After supper, we watched some TV, and had an incredible time making out on her bed. We talked, we kissed, we snuggled, we fondled, we had fun. While we both got each other very frustrated, we enjoyed it. At 7 pm, we took the kids trick-or-treating. After an hour, Connor got too tired to continue, so I went with Tatyanna for another hour. Again, it was worth every cold minute.
When Tatyanna and I returned, I helped put Connor down for bed, and then helped with Tatyanna. After the two children were down, Kate and I had a short talk, but it was good.
All in all, this year's Holloween was one of the best that I have had in my entire life.
Friday, I took my wife out for a 'date'. She does want me to call it a date, so I respect that, but it felt like a date for me. The nervousiness of walking up to the front door and ringing the door bell. I brought a single red rose and a bottle of sparkling red grape juice (I didn't think bringing a bottle of wine for the children would be a smart move).
We went out to Red Lobster, and while Kate wanted to go Dutch, we did share an appetizer. I spent most of the dinner listening, talking, and staring. I really had forgotten how beautiful she is. Her hair, which she re-dyed back to her deep red from the auburn she did about 2 months ago, her blue eyes, her round glowing cheeks, her freckles. On the way home, we went to Starbucks, ordered coffees and sat around for a while. She talked, I stared. When we got back to the house, I spent time with the children, tucked in Connor (with a story read to him), read with Tatyanna, and had a pleasant night. The only part that was worrisome was that Kate crashed out before I was finished with the children, and didn't even walk me out.
I spent most of the night worried that I made her upset because I called our meeting a 'Date', and she told our children that it wasn't a date. Once again, I lost sleep.
In the morning, I received a call asking me to help take care of the children and help her with her studies. I gladly jumped on the opportunity. I arrived at 1 pm, and took my son for a haircut. We had fun. We got back to the house at 2:30 and I proceeded to spend time with both my children. After playing a little, reading a little, I cooked supper with my wife.
Now, this is a big deal since I've often just kicked her out of the kitchen to cook myself. We made home-made pizzas. Connor had a simple pepperoni, Tatyanna had a mushroom and black olive, while we made a Chicken/spinach/Alfredo pizza. It was good. We both agreed that the crust should have been cooked a little longer, but that is ok. The fact that we worked together was incredible! The fact that I let Kate join me speaks volumes to my growth in just a short time.
After supper, we watched some TV, and had an incredible time making out on her bed. We talked, we kissed, we snuggled, we fondled, we had fun. While we both got each other very frustrated, we enjoyed it. At 7 pm, we took the kids trick-or-treating. After an hour, Connor got too tired to continue, so I went with Tatyanna for another hour. Again, it was worth every cold minute.
When Tatyanna and I returned, I helped put Connor down for bed, and then helped with Tatyanna. After the two children were down, Kate and I had a short talk, but it was good.
All in all, this year's Holloween was one of the best that I have had in my entire life.
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