One Day at a Time

The last two weeks have been what I should have been for years.

I've spend some incredible time with my family, my children, my wife. It's not been perfect, but it's been perfectly family.

My wife and I have started to really talk again. We had two days of some of the most serious, most deep discussions we have had in 5 years, and yet through it all, through the tears, through the pain, we actually resolved an issue. We had to stop our discussion, but through that forced break, we were able to think instead of falling back on our bad habits. We were able to talk, and walk back to each other without being resentful. It was a wonderful feeling. Now my wife wants to hold off on any more of those issues for a while so she has time to heal more, and I can wait, but KNOWING that we can do it, that I can see what to do to have more of those discussions makes me very happy.

As for our children, we have had fun. We've been swimming, playing in the park, decorating my apartment, coloring, all sorts of activities that we should have be doing for years, and can continue to do in the future. It's all GOOD!

Lastly, after 6 weeks with my therapist, we've finally had a break through. Which is funny, because it was a break through for her. I was under the impression that I was wasting her time. Two weeks ago, she appeared to be failing asleep on me. So I wrote a letter describing the way I feel and what I want from a therapist, and BAM! she delivered. The time in our session flew. It wasn't me feeling that she was dancing around issues, prodding in the wrong direction, or making short talk to waste the time. I was pleased, and thoroughly embarrassed because of what she pointed out to me.

She bluntly asked if my lack of participation was a lack of involvement or wanted involvement with my family and wife. I hate to agree with her, but she was right. I would have rather have played the game then possibly fight with her over any disagreement. But why, that is the BIG question. And that is the one I'm still working on.