On October 9, 2009, I was nearly killed.....

I'm still in a state of coma, a limbo, a terrible state of grey.

On October 9, 2009, my wife served me with papers for divorce. I ran around like a lost dog looking for her and our children for hours. Then I collapsed in the bed. I stopped doing anything but calling. I stopped eating, drinking, washing. Eventually I passed out, but even then I could not find any modicum of solace. When I return to conscience, I returned to calling. I finally received a message saying that my wife will meet me in a public place to talk.

She talked, I listened...and it's been a while since I really listened.

My wife told me that I had stopped being a husband and father for a long time, and enough is enough. She told me that I have spent so much time playing the computer games that I forgot who I was, and she the man she married and bore our children.

And she is right.

In all of the listening, she tore open my head and heart, and exposed it to the light of true love, and I collapsed. I have been absent of that radiance for so long that I cringed and cried at the pain.

In the midst of this agony, I was given a flicker....a very dim flicker, but a flicker of a chance. My wife has asked me to clean up my act...and I will. I have one chance, but it is all I need. I was only given one chance to survive my childhood, and I did. I was given only one chance to get out of my parent's house and move on, and I did. I was given one chance to make an impression with a beautiful redhead, and I did. I have been given one chance to rekindle and remake myself into a better man, a better husband, a better father, and I will.

It is a rare, very rare opportunity that we are actually given such an overt chance. We, as a race, are so incredibly gifted with 20/20 hindsight, but looking forward, we are almost blind. I am no longer blind. I see a beaming 9 (almost 10) year old girl, an energetic 5 (almost 6) year old boy, and the radiance of a beautiful auburn-haired lady ahead of me, and I, with the grace of God, will earn their true love again. I will be granted the opportunity to play with our children in the yard, to help them with their homework, to put them to bed. I will be blessed with laying beside and growing old with one of the strongest, intelligent, motherly ladies I know. I will be granted the blessing of having my family allowing me back into their lives.

It will take time....time for pain, time for healing, time for growth. I have been given the time. I will make the most of it.